Non scoop of the week! BrAngelina's secret wedding in France!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 4 July 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! In Touch goes with one of the standbys, BrAngelina getting hitched. Actually, the majority of stories saying they have had a secret wedding already have been peddled by In Touch. Just in case they think someone has noticed, on this story they have a special "It's Official!" headline.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think if something the only people allowed to keep things both official and secret are governments.

Here's the rest of the headlines.

• Secret Wedding in France
• Angelina's stunning L'Wren Scott gown and vintage ring
• Brad's emotional vow to his new wife
• The surprising celeb guest!
  

Of course, it's already been denied. If you don't know the name L'Wren Scott, she's the towering designer and love interest of the much older Mick Jagger.

All this week's news about Kim Kardashian and the wedding.

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch, Us Weekly
Date: 27 June 2011

Just in case you are new to this blog and don't understand the pecking order in the supermarket gossip world, here's the basic outline.

The Evil: American Media Inc. (AMI) owns the Enquirer, Star, Globe, National Examiner and Sun. The first four are nasty and the last one is just silly, predicting the end of the world at least four times a year.

The not so evil: The other five supermarket rags are somewhat less nasty. The absolute top of the table is People, and they set trends. The other four, OK!, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch and Us Weekly, are eating the scraps from the table that People leaves behind. There is not one single owner for all five of these magazines, but In Touch and Weekly Life & Style are published by the German consortium Bauer.

People broke the story of Kim Kardashian's engagement in an exclusive. They will likely not mention her again until she walks down the aisle. The other four are all over her large and shapely booty like white on rice. Here are the stories.

• In Touch: Kim & Kris Fight over the wedding
• OK!: Kim sets record straight
  "I did not cheat on Kris"
• Weekly Life & Style: Kim's wedding in crisis
  no date set
  invites on hold
• Us Weekly: Kim & Kris :Our love was tested

As often happens, the stories are pointing in multiple different directions. The only thing that can be relied on in a situation like this is that the story is far from over.

Bells Aren't Ringing Alert™ and No Bun In The Oven Alert™: Kim's wedding and pregnancy drama.

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 23 May 2011

The Star goes with the headline "Kim's wedding and pregnancy drama!"

Easy rule of thumb. Any time the word drama is used on a gossip rag cover, nothing is actually happening. She's not getting married any time soon and she's not pregnant.