Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:Best and worst winter beach bodies for early July 2011.

Publication: Star
Date: 11 July 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Star has yet another grab bag of women in swimsuits on the cover, some looking good, some not so good. Ignoring the "guess who?" pictures, here's the list.

They found a flattering picture of Kim Kardashian in a bikini. This is not that difficult.

They welcomed Christina Hendricks to gossip hell with a swimsuit picture that makes the Mad Men star look not only top heavy (d'uh!) but heavy as well.

Others in swimsuits include Ke$ha, Coco and Cameron Diaz.

They speculate on enboobenings on ex-Spice Girl Geri Haliwell and Vienna Girardi from The Bachelor.

On the rocks alert: Cameron Diaz and A-Rod: It's over!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 13 June 2011

The Only Ten Magazine That Matter do not care about the scandals involving athletes, with the exception of Tiger Woods starting in late 2009. Athletes are only of interest if they are dating or married to famous women like actresses or pop stars or Kardashians.

Alex Rodriguez has decided he no long wants to be an interesting person, as he has dumped Cameron Diaz. He will now return to being the very good ballplayer who is ridiculously overpaid for his services, even by the ridiculous standards of modern American sport.