Damn You Fat Alert™:Kirstie Alley packs on the pounds.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 20 June 2011

The Enquirer never gets tired of mocking Kirstie Alley for her weight. This week, they say she has an eating disorder and claim she has gained 12 pounds since losing on Dancing With The Stars.

Dancing With The Stars rigged!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 6 June 2011

The Enquirer goes with a cover story saying Dancing With The Stars is rigged this season, and they put pictures of the finalists Kirstie Alley, Hines Ward and Chelsea Kane on the cover.

Here's the thing. They said the same thing two months ago and predicted the eventual winner would be Kirstie Alley or Kendra Wilkinson, two names well known to the readers of gossip rags.

Hines Ward won. He's not well known to the gossip world, but he's an athlete. Athletes do really well on this show.

This is exactly the type of story I had in mind when I started this blog, a time when the Enquirer expects that everyone has the attention span of a gnat and it will be ignored that their bold prediction of just two months ago was complete horseshit.

Guess what, Enquirer? I don't have the attention span of a gnat. I publish on the Internet, where nothing ever completely disappears down the memory hole.

The Enquirer prints lies, guesses and nonsense with astonishing regularity. This blog is here to catch the worst cases.

You're welcome. I'm glad to do it.

Stars without make-up: May 2011 edition.

Publication: Star
Date: 23 May 2011

Star has picutres of actresses, singers and models without make-up and almost all of them look not very good to downright awful. There was one "guess who?" picture of a model, but I don't play that game. The people identified are J. Lo, Teri Hatcher, Meg Ryan and Kirstie Alley.

Damn You Skinnier Alert™: Kirstie Alley lying about weight loss method.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 16 May 2011

The Flagship continues their crusade against fat Scientologists this week, calling Kirstie Alley a liar. Here are the headlines.

• Kirstie's Gastric Bypass Secret
• how she really lost 70 lbs.
• her weight loss lies exposed

Good for her for losing weight. It's not easy, I know. Bad on the Enquirer for never giving her even a moment's rest or credit.

Backstage gossip from Dancing With The Stars.

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 2 May 2011

Last season, there were a boatload of Dancing With The Stars stories on the covers of the gossip rags, but it's been a little quiet this season so far. Here are the headlines from the story in Us Weekly.

• DWTS Meltdowns! Hookups! Feuds!
• Kendra - backstage tears
• Kirstie - control freak
• Chelsea - Dating LC's ex

The main characters that have been the targets of gossip have been Kendra and Kirstie, but a new name gets added this week, DisneyTeen™ Chelsea Kane. For people over the age of 25 (and for those under that age who actually have lives), LC is short for Lauren Conrad, a reality TV star.

You're welcome.

Damn You Skinnier Alert™: Kirstie Alley loses 30 pounds.

Publication: OK!
Date: 2 May 2011

Early this month, there was a rash of stories about Dancing With The Stars and the first story about Kirstie Alley that wasn't from the AMI kennel in over a year. Now OK!, the polar opposite the Enquirer and the rest of the jackals, reports that Kirstie has lost 30 pounds.

Good for her.

Meanest Story nominee: "I killed Kirstie Alley's mom!"

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 18 April 2011

For those new to the blog and to the tabloid universe in general, the National Enquirer and its parent company hate Scientologists in general, fat scientologists more than skinny ones and Kirstie Alley in particular. Since Kirstie is on Dancing With The Stars, the Flagship decided to pour a little salt in an old wound and found a woman who says she killed Kirstie Alley's mom, who died in an auto accident in 1981, which also seriously injured her dad. The sub-headlines include:

• all the shocking crime scene details
• begs Kirstie for forgiveness
  

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.