Bells are Ringing Alert™: Rob and Kirsten's Twilight wedding.

Publication: OK!
Date: 20 June 2011

Last year, OK! had a seriously delusional person writing their cover copy. Anything that was happening to the characters from Twilight was happening in the lives of the actors. It wasn't Edward and Bella getting married, it was Rob and Kristen. Now at least, they seem to understand the difference between the characters and actors.

On the rocks alert: Rob and Kristen split!

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 13 June 2011

Star magazine reports that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are no longer a couple. They say that cheating has torn them apart.

GossipCop.com calls bullshit on them, but this is nothing to sue over.

On the other hand, Angelina Jolie on heroin probably is something Star will get sued for, since they already lost cash calling Katie Holmes a pill popper.

Love Bird Alert™: Rob and Kristen living like newlyweds.

Publication: OK!
Date: 6 June 2011

OK!, the nicest of the gossip rags if not the most reliable, wants us to know the real life romance of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart is going along swimmingly.

If they break up some short while after the last of the Twilight movies becomes available on DVD, I for one will not be surprised.

Bells are Ringing Alert™: Wedding of the year from Twilight!

Publications: Us Weekly, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 9 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There's a really big wedding coming up, but I can't for the life of me remember who is getting married.

Oh, that's right, it's Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart! Or is it Edward and Bella? In any case, here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Twilight honeymoon photos
• Weekly Life & Style: Rob & Kristen's secret honeymoon

You can see why I'm confused about whether it's the characters or the actors.

You know, the more I think about it, I don't think this is the big wedding this weekend. I know it will come to me eventually.