Meanest story nominee: Miss Doris Day's dying wish!

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 11 July 2011

The season has recently changed so it must be time for our quarterly "Doris Day is dying!" alert. The Globe had three of these stories last year and now the low rent Examiner publishes its second this year. (Once this year, Miss Day was comforting a dying James Garner instead of dying herself.) They add the detail that there is a tragic secret she is keeping from her fans.

In terms of repeated warnings, Miss Doris Day is far behind the treatment the vultures of the gutter press gave Miss Elizabeth Taylor, but slightly ahead of the number of times we've been told Billy Graham is soon to meet his maker.

Best wishes to Miss Day, her family, friends and pets.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Five MORE celebs get the Sad Last Days treatment.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 27 June 2011

The low rent Examiner had their usual big cover page to fill and their typical lack of actual reporters to find stories, so they just picked five names of celebrities who have been famous a very long time and report to us that they are on their last legs. Four of these actors are new to the Brave Last Days treatment, one is a repeat customer.

New to the list is Maureen O'Hara, still the gold standard when it comes to red-headed fabulosity in Hollywood.


Also new is Peter Falk.

UPDATE: Peter Falk died a week after this story appeared on Friday, June 24, 2011.


Jack Klugman hasn't looked or sounded very good for a while, but he's still with us.


Angela Lansbury has been mentioned in the tabs over the past two years, but this is the first report of her imminent demise.


And last on the list is James Garner. This is the third time the tabloids have said he was gonna die in the past two years, the first time back in May of 2010.

Best wishes to all the stars, their family and friends, from a fan.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Meanest Story nominee: Billy Graham goes home to die.

Publication: National Examiner

Date: 6 June 2011

The low rent Examiner tries to kill off evangelist Billy Graham one more time. The 92 year old preacher was hospitalized this month, but he recovered and was sent home. The most despicable and desperate gossip rag says it was only done so he could die in the comfort of his home and he will die "within weeks".

It should be noted that the low rent Examiner had Graham's "final wish" back in May 2010 and his final message to America back just before Christmas. Usually, I would think a recently hospitalized 92 year old probably is getting close to the end, but when you realize he is both young and in better condition than Zsa Zsa Gabor.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Brave Last Days Alert:Bob Barker one more time.

Publication: Globe
Date: 9 May 2011

The Globe and the low rent Examiner have been trying to kill off Bob Barker since last September. Here are the latest headlines.

• Tearful Bob Barker's Sad Last Days!
• 'Price Is Right' legend, 87, in new medical drama

Best wishes to Bob Barker, his family and friends.

Brave Last Days Alert and Meanest Story nominee: Larry Fortensky brain damaged and dying!

Publication: Globe
Date: 9 May 2011

The Globe isn't quite through with Miss Elizabeth Taylor just yet. They put a story on the cover that her last husband, construction worker Larry Fortensky, is brain damaged and dying, and that Liz left him $1,000,000 in her will.

Best wishes to Mr. Fortensky. This gets a nomination for Meanest Story of the Week.

Brave Last Days Alert: the low rent Examiner tells us about a bunch of country stars.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 2 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The low rent Examiner goes all fire sale with a Brave Last Days cover story about country and western music stars. Yes, everyone must go, eventually at least. Among the people they pick for the reaper are Jerry Lee Lewis, who has been mentioned before, and newcomers Roy Clark, George Jones, Donna Fargo and...

(wait for it!)

Miss Kitty Wells!

You could knock me down with a feather. I had no idea Miss Kitty was still with us. All those things I said about Miss Loretta Lynn being the last great star of country music, well... I was just talking out of my hat, so to speak.

Best wishes to all the people mentioned, all their families and all their friends, but most of all, best wishes to Miss Kitty Wells, still the Queen of Country Music.