Love Bird Alert™:Bachelor Brad wants Emily back!

Publication: Us Weekly
Date: 25 July 2011

The supermarket rags have lost interest in the current season of The Bachelorette, but they are still harping on Brad and Emily from earlier this year.

She dumped him. Read any of the mags. Dumped, dumped, dumped.

He wants her back.

Dude, what part of "ship has sailed" don't you understand?

People puts the last nail in the coffin of the Brad and Emily story. Or at least one can hope.

Publication: People
Date: 11 July 2011

The season of the Bachelor starring this guy Brad last aired in March, but it was still a prime story in the supermarket rags in April and May, then mercifully ignored in June. Now that the new season of the Bachelorette is airing, I thought we might go back to those happy days when "Brad" meant Brad Pitt, but no such luck. People felt the need to repeat what everyone was saying two months ago, that the fake romance on the fake TV show was just a sham and now it's over.

Here are the headlines.

• Why I left Brad
  Reeling from the split Emily Maynard reveals how their romance went so wrong, so fast
  Brad admits: "It's all my fault"

On the rocks alert: Emily gives the ring back.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 6 June 2011

As a teacher, I understand the value of repetition in pedagogy, but this crap about the people on The Bachelor is getting ridiculous. For the past few weeks, it's been Weekly Life & Style that is entirely to blame, and there looks to be no chance for twists and turns. Emily said yes, then said no, and has been saying the same NO for weeks now.

Time to move on, Weekly Life & Style. You're the last kid on the playground and the fun has completely worn off.

Can we please make this the last Bachelor story?

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 30 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Let's get all the reality TV stuff out of the way early so we can get on to the actual trash about actual celebrities, shall we?

Here's a quote from Emily: "I never loved Brad."

Okay, that makes two of us. You just wanted the chance to be on TV while you are still young and cute. Got it.

NOW PLEASE GO AWAY!

The unending crap storm from Bachelor Brad and Emily.

Publications: OK!, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Star
Date: 16 May 2011

I don't have a TV and I wouldn't watch this show if I did, so I had to go on Wikipedia to find out when this show ended.

Middle of March.

It's early May, and we get four different stories about these people and they don't agree at all. If I've learned one thing about the gossip rags in the last year and a half, it's that when they disagree, you can be sure the story isn't over yet.

Here are the headlines.

• OK!: Brad & Emily back together
• Star: Bachelor Brad's other woman spills his secrets to Star!
• In Touch: Emily's other man: Bachelor love triangle!
  
• Weekly Life & Style: Bachelor interview
  Brad's heartbreak
  Brad flies Emily to his hometown in a desperate attempt to save their relationship. "I still love her," he says. Inside their final days
  Exclusive photos their say goodbye

So, they are still together, but he's got another woman, she's got another man and they had a tearful goodbye.

Got all that? There is going to be a test later.

On the rocks alert: More Bachelor noise.

Publications: Weekly Life & Style, OK!
Date: 9 May 2011

After Teen Mom, the reality TV series the tabloids love the most that annoys me the most is The Bachelor. These romances almost never work out and we get rehashes of the debris for months and months after the show goes off the air.

Even Kendra Wilkinson doesn't bug me as much as these clowns.

Anyway, here are the headlines.

• OK!: Emily: Why I gave Brad his ring back
• Weekly Life & Style: How Brad betrayed Emily

Okay, okay. We get it. He's a heel and she's a flake. Let's move on, shall we?

On the rocks alert: Why Emily left Brad.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 2 May 2011

In March, it was week after endless week of crap about the pinhead pictured above. But in April, the stories dried up and the strong consensus was that it was over. Now Weekly Life & Style gives us confirmation of the split. Here is the paragraph length sub-headline.

Did he cheat? Inside the teary phone call where Emily told Brad she'll never marry him. "I don't want to go through heartbreak again."

I don't want to read a headline about these two pinheads again. I expect both Emily and I are bound to be disappointed.